Anna and Steve get hitched in Warwick

When my beautiful (but accident prone) friend Anna announced that she was going to marry her lovely fella Steve, I was absolutely thrilled and couldn't wait to witness one of my best friends in the world marrying the man of her dreams.

The happy couple

Then she asked if I could write a poem and recite it at the ceremony. AGH!

I was so stunned that I nearly turned it down altogether. "Well, it's a lovely idea, but..." Then nothing. No reason whatsoever why I couldn't do it, other than my own stupid nerves that if I let get the better of me I knew I would regret not doing it forever.

So to cut a long story short,  I did it. I was just as nervous as I had previously expected but luckily my mate Nicky was appointed as fellow performer on the day so I didn't have to go it alone. It was one of the best things I've ever done, and here is what we said:

God bless Nicky Brunt

There was once a young lady, Miss Anna Louise Wall,

Who had a tendency to trip, and a tendency to fall,

A girl so headstrong yet with it so sweet,

Who just had a problem staying up on her feet.

There was also a young geezer, Steven Philip Garratt,

Who was strong like an ox, and orange like a carrot,

Who impressed our young Anna with his wit and good taste,

But not on their first date when he tied a jumper around his waist.

As you can imagine, this must have taken some redeeming,

If I'd been in Anna’s position, I’d have run out of there screaming!

But Steven must have done something right to get their love to cement,

And clearly has talents beyond all measure, on which I wouldn’t like to comment.

So Anna overlooked this fashion mistake,

And decided to give Mr Garratt a break,

And from this point on they really like one another,

So Anna moved in with Steve and his mother.

Their relationship blossomed and grew stronger by the day,

And life for them was perfect in every single way,

But there are just a couple of points that if Steve would have known,

The love and trust between the two might not have ever grown.

Anna Wall’s a criminal! Which might come as a shock,

But back in the day, when learning to drive, she hit a wall by her local shop,

And when she realised she’d knocked it down, she decided to flee the caper,

But it didn’t remain a secret for long when she was featured in the local paper.

So our Miss Wall, the girl of Steve’s dreams,

Isn’t as sweet and lovely as she seems,

And we think it’s only fair to give Steve every fact,

And let him know her mother was also in on the act!

Anna Wall’s a ‘try hard’ girl, as our group was labelled at school,

Strutting around with a rolled up skirt, thinking she was super cool.

Marching her way down the corridors, so full of style and grace,

Until it would oh so often turn out, that she’d fall flat on her face.

Anna Wall’s a murderer! She doesn’t do crime by half,

And back in the days when we were at school she left her hamster to starve.

So it would seem that when a young girl, Anna was packed full of hate,

But all she needed was the love of a good man to get her on the narrow and straight.

                                     

And now we find ourselves gathered on this day,

It gives us great pleasure to be able to say,

We’ve never been prouder of our good friend Anna Wall,

(Apart from the time she went a week without a fall!)

We wish every happiness to this lovely pair,

Whose wedding day we’re honoured to be able to share,

And we’re sure that young Anna will never have to whinge,

About her fabulous Steven, the man who is ginge.

It’s also a relief to know Anna Wall,

Shall never again be able to fall,

‘Cus as long as Mr Garratt is always around,

Anna’s feet will never again need to touch the ground.


© Holly Purcell 2012