Monday, 9 July 2012

Happy Birthday Helen Hockenhull

My Auntie Helen is one awesome lady, but her life has its challenges.

When she became an English teacher at my secondary school, a group of kids found her surname so unfathomable that they decided to call her 'Mrs Helicopter'. It's not as if you can blame them, I bet even the infamous 'Midland's Today' reporter Bob Hockenhull has had his fair share of problems booking restaurant tables!

Bob - a legend in the Midlands

Then there was her run of bad luck with John Lewis, who seemed unable to accept her existence and wouldn't deliver her new kitchen goods.

But luckily she always has me to give her a helping hand when it comes to clothes shopping...

There was a lovely lady, Mrs 'Helicopter' Hock,
Who of all the nifty Nanas, knew the greatest ways to rock!
The original 60's diva, a real hippy queen,
Who was partial to a Pinot and the 'my arse' star Sean Bean.

She had all the latest music and the best of all the books,
And as our lady got older, even better were her looks!
Her heart was big and open and her smile was always sunny,
But John Lewis could never deliver her goods, 'not even for ready money'!*

Her wardrobe grew as years went by along with her lust for life,
And when she went shopping with her lovely niece, she looked like a 'vicar's wife',

Retro photo

So Happy Birthday Auntie Helen from the one with hair of ginge,
May all your birthday wishes come true, and enjoy the Edinburgh Fringe!

*From The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde

© Holly Purcell 2012

Sunday, 1 July 2012

Happy Birthday Nicol McClellend (The girl who has no nose)

Nicol is an interesting character.

Although she is a rather swell individual, Nicol has had to work pretty hard to overcome some serious challenges in her life.

Birthday bestie

Not only does her nose resemble a bit of morph’s foot stuck on as an afterthought, but she also thought the world was black and white before colour television. Then there was the concern that feeding a tuna sandwich to a seagull was forced cannibalism. She also didn’t know how to pronounce her own name until I pointed out the lack of an ‘e’ meant she shouldn’t be calling herself ‘Nicole’.

All this aside, she’s actually one of the smartest people I know, and today is her birthday. WOO!

Here’s a birthday poem for Nic (I’ve actually cheated a bit here as this is last year’s ditty, but I have changed my name to ‘Ginger Purcell’ on Facebook as part of her present today so she can’t complain):

There was once a young lady called Nic,
Whose face everyone wanted to lick,
Her eyes were bigger than the sun, she had a nice shapely bum,
But her nose was just merely a trick.

She loved lounging and ‘being all cute’,
Everyone thought she was ‘a hoot’,
But when you’d like to watch telly, she’d get right on your nelly,
And put the bloody thing onto mute.

Falafel was her most favourite snack,
Her best friend in the world was called Zack,


She was an advocate of karma, read works of the Dali Lama,
And an ambulance story she’d never lack!

She was patriotic like the St George’s flag,
Always sported a designer handbag,
In her clothes she looked yummy, stolen off a Gap dummy,
Or with ‘American Apparel’ on the tag.

Today marks the birth of this lass,
And the well wishes are coming en masse,
So have a smashing day, and I’d just like to say,
You might be older but you’re still a piece of ass!

© Holly Purcell 2012